Today I made it to Satanic training without coffee, on time and with my teeth brushed. I was there at 4:45 AM for my fat caliber test. This included lots of skin pinching and computer entering. Now I can proudly annouce the dismal news that my body is 34.6 percent FAT. One would think showing up on time and with personal hygeine in check that early would qualify me for a fat discount. No. Sadly not.
Moving on. Look at my new baby. Isn’t she beautiful? Already tan and with pierced ears…just the way God intended. She is the perfect child, especially since I can hand her back as soon as she starts spitting up on my cashmere sweater. Perhaps stealing the children of friends is the way to go. She already has my eyes – a few highlights and a shopping addiction and she’s set to be a mini-Susan!