Lately I have been trying to pretend that the world around me might turn into a magical fairy land and the biggest problem I would have would be to decide pair of shoes to wear with my new satin pants. But that isn’t the case, especially since I never got the Maxazria satin pants I caressed so lovingly at the mall. Is $300 too much for pants? Sigh. They know I love them, which is what really matters. Once again my scatterbrain digresses – It’s been a crazy week full of anxiety and more emotional events than I’m used to dealing with. I won’t go into full detail, but here is a glimpse of what I’ve been doing.
I’ve felt really strong this week during 02 classes, despite sleepless nights; I needed that reassurance. I love the class, but have been disappointed with my all-around lack on energy. This AT training is the hardest training I’ve ever done and I hope to see the results soon. Making the decision to do this training and give up my morning runs with Karrie and Richard was really tough. I miss my friends during the week and look forward to my LSD with them on Sundays. Sharing so much pain and sweat creates a unique bond between training partners – you don’t realize how much you lean on them until they aren’t there.
On Saturday I ran the St. Paddy’s Day 5k with my friends Kate and Linda. I hadn’t run a 5k in a long time and we certainly picked a fun one. Mile one I was surrounded by a dozen fraternity boys drunk on green beer, several spray-painted dogs and one very large woman dressed in spandex from head to toe. My goal was to get out of the drunken pack as soon as possible and pass the spandex woman. I passed the pack and dogs at mile one, but never did pass the 300 lb spandex woman – she beat me by ten seconds. Go Her! Mile one was my slowest, but miles two and three were sub 9 minute miles. Everyone PR’d and we celebrated with green beer. It was a blarmy fun day and my only disappointment was I didn’t pee green. I thought green beer made green pee?
This morning at 5 AM Richard and I set out to run fourteen miles. I had some concerns since my last run of eight miles really sucked rocks. The first seven miles went by quickly and Richard and I spent the time catching up on the previous week. I felt good, I felt strong and really focused on my pacing and heart rate. Miles eight through ten were uphill and pretty tough – HR higher, pace slower – but I’m still feeling pretty good. I’m not sure what happened around mile eleven. I’m running strong but I start to get really emotional. I start thinking about how wonderful it will be that I don’t have to put my Kenza in daycare this summer, the first time in her nearly nine years. This leads me to think about the infertility I’ve suffered for so many years and how it has taken me equally that long to be alright with only having one child, at the same time grateful that I got the best one. By mile twelve I’m still running strong, but angry that I’m STILL going uphill and tears are streaming down my face as I think about the surgery I will have in the next few weeks that will involve no less than the doctor shoving a blow torch in my crotch and charring my uterus to rid my body of numerous fibroids and cysts. I’m not sure how it will affect my training, but I will run on and train the best I can for San Diego. I finished the fourteen miles strong and feeling good, although a bit surprised at how therapeutic and emotional it was.
Phew, what a long post. I pride myself on being the queen of conciseness. Oh well. Michael is on his way home from racing – he won his category (as usual) and is super happy. Go husband! Tonight is a well earned date night – I see a martini or two in my future.
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{ 42 comments }
And that’s what the running is for, isn’t it? To think, to plan, to let out frustration and emotion? I’m sorry you’ve got to face that surgery and that it has been such a suck-ass week. Celebrate with Michael and drink those drinks. And, no, sometimes $300 is just not too much in the whole scheme of things.
Sounds like life has been hectic – glad you took some time out to run the 5K and have fun! Go Michael! And try not to get drunk (again…? haha)
I like the new blogger photo, by the way.
Go YOU!!! Fourteen miles…flippin’ awesome. I’m truly sorry about your suffering through the whole infertility thing. I got lucky enough to have 2 wonderful girls, despite the massive problems I had. I consider them my miracles…that’s why they’re the accomplishments I’m most proud of. $300 pants??? I’d say you deserve them.
14 miles–WOW! And right after a 5k, too! Very impressive. So sorry to hear about your surgury. Running is so theraputic sometimes. So are $300 pants….:)
You didn’t mention the dumpster…
I hope the martinis were good. I watched three movies and had a really nice Spanish white wine to celebrate.
hm. i’m a bit concerned. 2 martinis? you know Michael will want to get to second base, and after 2 martinis, you might not be able to, like, totally say no, because, like if you don’t, like, everyone on blogger will totally call you a slut, because like you almost did IT with him and were, like, drunk and stuff. do you have a fake id? ohmigawd, you totally have to get one if you’re going to try to get martinis. anyway, remember, it’s okay to have him go up the shirt, but totally keep your bra on! i mean, if you don’t, and everyone calls you a slut, you’ll never get to be a cheerleader! and if you are going to fool around, like totally make sure you change your clothes and shower, because runnerpanties are totally NOT ON!
300 bucks pants..geez they better can read your HR or has GPS or something.
This month I am having my surgery to get my teeth fix too. I figure, I either do it now or do it in June…err I need to race in June…so do it now
. Yeah I will bail on some training. We just do what we have to do.
Glad to have Kenza as well.
I was initially going to give you a hard time for questioning the $300 pants … you, the one who commented on my $785 purse question as “worth every penny”; remember that?
After reading your post, you know what, in the grand scheme of things, if satin pants is what you want, then satin pants is what you should get.
Sorry I missed you at the St Paddy’s 5K. If my knee hadn’t decided to take a break, I would’ve made it. Maybe another local race someday. I’d be psyched to report a “Susan sighting”!
Wow, what a great description of your long run. I was almost there with you until you started thinking about blow torches! Enjoy your martinis mate!
go you! sorry for the surgery. Happy you got the best kid, though (except for mine); well, happy you got the best 9-year-old!! Way to rock 14 miles! And I’m happy too that Kenza gets her mom for the summer. Go buy yourself those pants. They are calling your name.
I’d say spend $300 for a get-away after surgery, you’ll need it. Beach house? Mountain cabin? More martinis? Your pick.
Long run sounds perfect, those tears are wonderful and you don’t have to pay a shrink. Every running partner is a shrink, as well as every tree out there. Sorry about your stuff, but you’re strong, have great support and will pull through. Best to you.
Green beer does not make green pee, it makes green puke. Just remember you heard it here first.
Susan…way to push yourself on your 14 miler today! You should be so proud of yourself…have multiple drinks!
Better make that 4 or 5 martinis. Sorry to hear of your woes. One day, your suffering will pass and it will be one more obstacle that you’ve overcome. For that, you’ll be stronger. I know, it seems lame but it’s true. It may take time but one day soon you’ll be whole again. Best of luck.
Benny
The most wonderful is that you have Kenza, so enjoy her as much as possible, focus on that and think that this surgery will aloud you to continue being there for her.
Nice you can FEEL all this in a long run, I love them despite the injuries.
Damn fibroids stole all the green out of your beer. (Yeah, I know; it’s not connected but work with me).
So you buy the satin pants, pick the right shoes and go to the surgery dressed like you mean it. Kenza comes to pick you up with Michael. You wear comfort clothes to go home. Then you drink a bunch more martinis to kill the pain and let everybody wait on you. If they give you painkillers with the martinis, we’ll send a search party out for you in Las Colinas.
P.S. Good running lately.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from reading your blog, it is that you are one smart, strong lady! Sounds like that run was very therapeutic.
We’re all rooting for you. Good luck with your surgery, I hope everything goes smoothly!
That was some fabulous writing – I’m exhausted but exhilarated.
I think anyone who has to take a blowtorch up the bajinga deserves the $300 pants. I saw Candace Bushnell (who wrote the book Sex in the City) speak once and she made some comment about her Prada pants. Then she said, “These are last year’s Prada. That’s the thing about Prada – you can wear it forever.” So buy the pants – you can amortize the cost over the 15 years you’ll be wearing them and that’s cheap!
I’m sorry you have had to suffer through secondary infertility – that’s just so unfair. Hugs to you.
Wow, that was one amazing run by one amazing lady! It’s great the way long runs are better than any therapy sessions. Good luck with your surgery although I have no doubt at all that everything will work out well for you. Hope the date night was perfect with a little help from those martinis! Oh and I’m all for the $300 pants – they sound fantastic and after all you’ve earned them with all this training you’ve been doing!
How sound like some great racing and running.
I’ve always heard that if you drink ENOUGH green beer you pee green – or at least you think you pee green because everything starts turning green
Fourteen miles? Bloody hell, that’s one mighty step up from 8! You did really well.
I find running is a great way to deal with all sorts of emotional issues – they just seem to melt away as the run goes on.
P.S.: I’d probably kill Niamh if I found out she spent $300 on some pants (in other words, I would have to go on a 20 mile run to calm down)
Way to push through the 14, and all the other stuff life is throwing your way. Hang in there, and I’ll second everyone else – go get those pants!!!
Sorry to hear about the surgery and the emotional 14 miler. I get the feeling that you are a wonderful mother to Kenza. Maybe we can work out a deal where I can send you one of mine when they are misbehaving. Take care.
Endorphins can do funny things. Best of luck with your upcoming surgery, well wishes from us.
BTW I have never peed green either, and I have drank a lot of green beer. But I will try again!
it’s all good Susan.
you have a wonderful life. so, just enjoy it.
everything will be just fine.
p.s. you need to own a boat for a short time… after that, you can rationalize spending anything on anything…
One of the greatest results of running for me is how therapeutic it is. All that time with your head has a way of working it out.
Good luck with the surgery, your strong both mentally and physically!
Susan, nice to see you posting again. Great job on the 5k and 14 miler. Jumping from 8 to 14 is a lot and it’s good to hear you felt strong at the end.
Best wishes on your surgery.
Oh yeah, what does Michael race?
Wow, life’s been rough on you lately. Way to fight back! As for the $300 pants…no way could I spend that on pants! Three pairs of running shoes, or tons of running clothes, or a weekend away with the family… too many other options for me. Hope date night went well and good luck with surgery and recovery!
This is why we all get a little nutty when we can’t run. It is definitely a form of therapy. Go get those pants after your surgery – you will have earned them definitely!
Susan, I will be wishing the best for you. I am glad you are running and sorting things out while life is tossing you these twists.
Your going great girl!
Um, is that blowtorch FDA approved?
I think everybody’s mind wanders while they run. (Even if not all of us report back on our blog where exactly our minds went!)
Good luck with everything.
Hi Susan, Great jobon your race. I run this weekend. Eeeeek! I actually feel really relaxed and strong for this on. More balanced. I did however get really nauseous after practice this weekend. I got back out Sun and even got to ride my bike.I have to learn more about my bike, but other then that and the vomit feelings. Things are great
Oh and I know you would like to hear that I got a brand new outfit for the race. Lime Green and Black and White….I hope I don’t look too much like a cow in the photos.
Keep fighting. I’m thinking of you.
I will be thinking of you during your surgery.
You are going to rock this race in June! I look forward to meeting my internet marathon training friend
Congrats on a strong 14 mile run!
You didn’t pass the 300 lbs spandex woman because her size occupied all the road and you didn’t find the space for the rush.
I’m so sorry to hear about your surgery. Those kinds of things are no fun.. Give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically.
i love it when runs are theraputic like that. not that it was good memories you were sorting through. but to come out the other side feeling better about some issues than when you went in… pretty nice.
hope your procedure goes ok. it just doesn’t sound happy at all. will this help with the PMS, they think?
Just stopped by to wish you well with your upcoming surgery.
Take it easy… don’t push yourself.
Every now and then, you can spend $300 on whatever you darned well please… And just think how good you’d look in them sipping on a martini.
Wordy posts are sometimes good Susan. Thanks.
By the way, you should see results from the AT training after 3 or 4 weeks. Stick with it.
I hope everything else goes well.
Susan,
I did not know you were having surgery!! When and what kind? Call me, I may be able to help you feel better!! I have now had two to remove the same kind of stuff, I think!! I miss you all too!! I have destroyed my left foot and won’t be running for a long time!! I am looking for a great marathon for the fall!! Any ideas??
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