I won’t run another marathon unless I know I’ll be faster than my last. But it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. Yesterday I woke cursing the sky because it was NOT raining. I wanted rain. I wanted to go back to bed. I didn’t. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed out for my twelve-mile run.
I only got as far as three miles before I had issues with my coiling intestines. Right now, I’m having issues with myself. I’m angry because I spent every single waking moment the day before my run eating food that I knew was bad for me. And as I stuffed every single bite of that food into my mouth, I said to myself “I won’t be able to run if I eat this.” And yet, I still ate it. Why?
Where do I find that place that motivates me to not sabotage myself, that place that makes me to want to run better, faster and be healthier? How do I get there?
I sadly ended my week with only 23 miles. My goal was 30.
I’m on the run less, run fast, then run more diet.
Maybe a bit of variety in training (cycling) might help?
Only six “off the mark”- not bad really.
But quit sabbotaging your runs with bad food and such!
I don’t know how to change your mindset-only you can do that.
Maybe I can piss you off and you can get mad and then “show me” what you are made of….
Let me know if you want me to yell at you on-line! 🙂
Its all mental. I tend to start talking my way out of runs when my training gets stale. Have you thought about cross training. Maybe get hipnotize or see a sport pyshcologist.
Susan, it is time for you to sit down and really think about what you want and what is important to you. I agree with Try, more cross training might be the right thing for you. In the end we all go through phases of being burned out by the routine (yes even I get burned out from time to time on running).
Good luck and you have everyone’s support.
23 miles is 23 miles. That’s still a good fair chunk of running you made it.
As for the eating thing…i know i need to cheat once in a while. 10% of what i eat, i cheat. So far it has been working quite well.
When i eat junk food.i eat guilty free.
I have been struggling a lot with this same issue. I wish I had a solution!
This is just a classic issue. For me I need specific goals and they need to be “out there” I tell everyone to the point of me being annoying, which for me is not difficult. Then when I have told everyone I know, I blog about it. Then I sit back and think…….holy shit I better do this or I will look like a flippin idiot. So it’s off to work I go. 🙂 A marathon is a long term goal and difficult to stay focused. Set specific achievable but difficult short term goals keep chasing them. For me no goal, no work, simple but true.
I visit your blog because your cute and I like your sassy side. You seem like an extrovert, yet your blog is rather introverted. I suppose that’s a balance for you.
Have you ever heard of moderation? 23 miles in one week is good. It’s bad if you compare it to a Kenyan, but I know you don’t look like a Kenyan. And junk food isn’t all bad either. If you have a salad for dinner, what does it hurt to go to the DQ for dessert and split a small blizzard with your better half? There is a middle ground.
By the way, when you reach the 7-year itch and the relationship should go to hell, look me up in Indiana. I’m only 20 minutes away from Monticello.
23, is nothing to mock… it’s not 30, but, it is still outstanding mileage.
i bought into Chris Carmichael’s “Eat Right to Train Right” because i related to his concept of using “food as fuel”. how he learned as a poor pro cyclist to choose the right foods on a budget, and how we, not being poor pro cyclists, and can choose only the best fruits, vegetables, and lean meats should not be grazing through all of the highly processed, bad for you alternatives.
also, one of my pop sales mentors Zig Ziglar used to talk about ‘investing in yourself’, and used the analogy of if you owned a million dollar prize-winning studly race horse — what would you feed it? margaritas and ‘hint of lime’ tostitos? or, would you give it the best food possible to ensure it races at its potential… then, he asks, if you think YOU are worth $1M, to YOU. my answer is yes, i’m worth everything to me, and i want to realize my potential.
you have to find what works for you Susan. i’m just sharing how i got there.
maybe, if i were you, i could do it for Kenza. if i was lucky enough to have a perfect daughter like her, i wouldn’t want my daughter to struggle with food as an enemy. i’d find something in me, deep within me, that wants to show her the way early to leading a healthy, active lifestyle (which you are doing) but fully integrated with food.
i hope some or any of this helps. i’ve read your blog for a long time, and know where you were, compared to where you are now. you are in a good place now. you are just trying to get to a better place — and for that, i applaud you!
I am so totally with you!! I am in the exact same place. I have been here oh, about all summer. I am sort of floundering too. I have all of these good intentions, but when it comes down to it….I am not sure I want to do another marathon if I can’t run it. I don’t want to walk, but right now, I don’t want to run either. What is going on with us??? Burnout?? We both have a lot going on right now and maybe that is what is wrong. Hopefully we can get through it. Are we running in the morning??:)
Wow, I love what Bold said. I’m going to have to hold onto that. Sending good thoughts your way while you work through this, Susan.
I agree 100% with what Bolder said. You can do it for yourself, but if nothing else, do the right thing as a role-model for your daughter.
23 miles is better than 0 miles. Remember the times when for whatever reason you weren’t able to run, this makes the times that you can run all the more special and enjoyable. You may wake up tomorrow and never be able to run again, so make the most of it today.
I’ll leave you with my favourite quote.
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Gandhi
It’s amazing how our focus changes when it comes to running and making progress in our running. You, would like to be able to run your next marathon faster than the last, while I on the other hand couldn’t even imagine running a marathon right now. Just like 6 months ago, I couldn’t have imagined running more than 5 miles!
I buy into what Bob said unless you have no qualms about looking like a flippin’ idiot.
Like the shoes Susie should not have worn, tell us what bad foods you ate so we can decide whether it was worth it.
What’s Michael’s email? We may need to call in an interdiction.
And what’s with your runner support groupies? Why aren’t they kicking your behind?
And who exactly is buying this bad food? Is Crap Food Susan back in town?
Maybe if you were training for a marathon that would allow you to have robtherunner as your man servant you would be more motivated. Just an idea. I hope the sabotage ends soon. My stomach has not been deflating as much lately as I had hoped. I could use a little will power to say no as well.
Happy belated anniversary!
Nore sure of this actually helps, but even Paul struggled with this:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15
I think it is called “human nature”. 😀
This sounds like lame pop psych but it’s what came into my head when I read your post – are you feeling mad/disappointed with yourself about something (not being perfect/running like a Kenyan)? Is it punishment rather than sabotage?
a couple more thoughts: have you had blood tests done to ensure the cravings aren’t from some deficiency?
And what would you say to a friend who came to you with this problem?
Bold has a great point about doing it for Kenza, but it would be very easy to slide down that thought into ‘I’m not setting a perfect example so I’m a bad mother’. Don’t do that. You’re a great mother setting a great example – that of having high personal standards and keeping trying at them even when it’s hard.
Try and be kind to yourself – it’s been a big year for you
cheers
Susan, when you find that place you’re looking for, can you please let me know how to get there?
Thanks!
I’m sure you will find your inspiration. Hang in there.
You have to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. As you travel down the path keep your eyes straight ahead and ignore the doors of temptation that open along the way. If that doesn’t work, find someone that will slap your hand everytime you stray.
You can do this. IF you really want it. I agree with alot of the folks above. Figure that out first, the rest will be gravy.
Either you want to, and you do. Or you dont want to, and you dont.
Keep your chin up! But we’d love to have you here in Houston come January!!
Imagine the number of people who can only dream of doing 23 miles in a month. You are healthy enough to be active, you are setting a great example for your daughter and you are moving forward.
how will you know ahead of time how you’ll run? and every race is different. even the same course on a different year is different. there could be head wind or tail wind. you could be feeling great or fighting a bug.
do you like to run the marathon? you should if you do it. finishing with a certain time means nothing really. means you finished 26.2 miles in a certain time. it doesn’t make you better than you were before. i’m sure there are right royal richard-heads who qualify for boston along with gentle souls. your self worth comes from who you are as a person and how you treat others.
we can’t always run faster than last time. sometimes we do…BONUS! and sometimes it’s all we can do to finish. and to that i say, “yea you, it was hard and you did it!” to me there is more to be said when you finish knowing you’re going slower. you’re conquering the mental anguish as well as the bitumen.
i think you have something many runners don’t have (your followers excluded…they have to have it, because they wouldn’t bother with you if they didn’t have it). you have a great sense of humour. many posts i read on cool running just make my eyelids heavy. serious as heart attacks. you might not be as fast as many, but you’re great fun, can laugh at yourself, and are not afraid at digging at your butt in front of a race photographer.
don’t stop, susan. (and don’t stop susan). give yourself some credit for what you’ve done and enjoy the ride (and i don’t mean michael).
“I won’t run another marathon unless I know I’ll be faster than my last” …. there is a theory that 1 in 4 marathons are good ones ….. therefore, the more you have that aren’t what you want, the closer you are to a good one …. i think you are great for every time you get out there
You should learn to run on the foods that you like to eat, not give up good food because of running. I’m not giving up greasy mexican food for any race or time. You may want to try papaya tablets after you eat a big meal that’s not good for running. I eat them during ultras after I leave every aid station and I eat nothing but junk during 100 milers. I never have stomach problems. Not sure if it works on martini’s.
some of the others have nailed it; 23 is 23. it is better then 22 AND cross train to change things up. you can do it. later.
This inspires so many thoughts. First of all, I’m sure you do plenty for your daughter. This eating and running thing isn’t about her – it’s about you.
Second of all – I’ve run every marathon slower than the last but I’m not going to let that stop me. In fact, I feel like I have a grudge match with 26.2 and when I feel moved to settle the score I will. Just getting a better time isn’t enough, though so I get what you are saying there.
Third of all – quit beating yourself up. You have been having a tough time in a lot of ways and the last thing you need is to pile on.
Here’s my unsolicited suggestion – screw all these goals for 2 weeks. Run because you are Runner Susan. Eat because humans have to eat. Don’t worry about the numbers. Let your emotions drive you, not your logic. See how that comes out. If it works better then that’s a hint. If you feel totally adrift then that’s another hint. Trying to control your behavior and do things (e.g. eat and exercise) according to some plan is clearly not working. Time to wing it for a while, wet your index finger and hold it up in the air and figure out which way the wind is blowing. In other words – just let it go and drift a little bit. It’s worth a shot, anyhow. Most of all please stop beating yourself up. It is counter productive at best.
Dr. Phil would be proud of you.
well.. my goal was 15 and i ran about 5, so… you’ve got me beat there.
but in all seriousness.. i’m very much in the same boat. i can’t even count the number of times i’ve told myself i’m “starting over” and “this week will be my week back!” and.. “ok. this is it. after today, no more bad food”..
but in the end, here i am. at square one.
for me, i think it comes down to this.
i want it. i know i do. and i know what it takes to get me there…
but, do i want to do what i know i have to do in order to get there?!
some days… yes. some days……. no!
and there’s nothing WRONG with that. you and i and so many others are at least out there. plugging away. maybe we’re not all-star running goddesses (the hell we arent!), but we’re not feel-sorry-for-ourselves, whoa-is-me sitters and mopers either!
like so many have already said… you’ve got a lot on your plate. and i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but.. you can’t be everything to everyone all the time. sometimes you have to let one thing go in order for another to grow.
you’ve put a lot of stuff off while training for marathon’s 1-4.. maybe the pendulum is just swinging the other way right now!
take it easy on yourself for a bit, and just enjoy what you ARE doing, instead of beating yourself up for what you aren’t!
You’re running Susan. You’ll find the motivation. It’s in there somewhere.
ok, here’s my 3 cents.
You need to run first thing in the morning. Half a bowl of oatmeal, piece of toast, something small. No reading the paper, no lollygagging. If you get OUT OF THE HOUSE and run, well, it makes it harder to eat crap, right? after 12 miles, i don’t usually feel like eating crap. (OK, maybe the day after.)
File this advice … where you will.
oh, one more thing…the more I think about diets and food, the worse I eat. go figure.
No, that’s not sad that you ran 23 when your goal was 30. You ran 23! That’s awesome, that’s good, that’s better than 22. Go You. As for the food, I know, it sucks, been there, done that, no, not done that, still do that. I don’t know why. There are bad patches and good patches and eating shit all day is a bad patch. But it will end and you will decide that you want to eat what is good for you and what won’t make you feel like crap while you run and make you puke and crap like crazy. But then the bad patch will come again and I don’t know why. We can’t be ‘perfect’ all of the time. You will run faster at your next marathon you will be stronger and leaner. It will happen. Because you want it to happen and you can make it happen. You will have more better days than bad days. But the bad days will come. But there will be more better than bad. I’m blathering. Sheesh. Just know that you aren’t the only one. I have the same type of days as you.
What more could *I* possibly say? How about a (HUG)? 23 miles is f’n fabulous.