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Sometimes I get so worried about over-sleeping when I need to wake up at 4AM that I can’t even sleep and wake up on the hour every hour until the alarm goes off. Last night was no exception, except that I agreed to sleep in the guest room as to not wake Michael and bed full of dogs at 4AM. Scratch that, I don’t mind waking up anyone, except Cherry Berry. Who is always awake. And happy. Cherry Berry is as happy as the happiest clam and loves everyone wildly all the time, 24 hours a day, without exception, even at 4AM. If Cherry were a person, she’d be Elle from Legally Blonde.
Crap, I do this all the time, where was I? Oh, so waking up every hour on the hour . . . when I woke up at 3AM I grabbed the alarm clock (also known as a magic iPhone) to make sure I hadn’t overslept, and I dropped it and somehow it ended up on vibrate, unbeknownst to sleepy me . . . and this was just a really long way to say, I over-slept and didn’t wake -up until 4:55.
I had plans to meet Massoman at 5:15. That gave me 5 minutes to get ready and 15 minutes to drive to meet him. I got there on time, but other than dress myself – I didn’t have time to do anything else, including pee. So the first thing I did when I got to our meeting spot was immediately find a place to pee. And when I got to the pee spot I walked into a huge spider web and started freaking out. If there is one ultimate truth in this universe, it is: if there are webs, there are spiders. And I live life by the philosophy that ALL SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS. As are all snakes. It’s a philosophy that’s never served me wrong. I am living proof.
Anyhow, it took nearly a mile and a half before I was sure that I was imaginary spider free. Finally, when I was closing in on Massoman, I opened my mouth to say “Here I am” and I inhaled a swarm of gnats. And if you think imaginary spiders freak me out, just wait until you see me with REAL LIFE bugs on my body. IN MY BODY. I started heaving. I tried to control it, but there was no stopping it. I started to vomit some lovely green, empty-stomach foamy stuff. Massoman heard gagging and chocking and turned around and asked if I was okay. Of course I was okay. This was just all part and parcel of living in Susan’s World O’ Mental Illness. No big deal.
And really, this is just a long excuse to say, I ran really slow -11:40-minute miles. And only five of those. Tomorrow is Track Torture #1. I hope it goes better than today did.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Suz,
Remember I am laughing “with” you not “at” you! You are too funny!
You are my hero for getting up that early. I can’t even fathom getting up at 6am to get my runs in (except on Sundays). YOU ROCK!!
Guess those gnats didn’t provide enough protein. Seriously, you’re still on the path to a PR. Just carry a stick with you when you whiz in the woods.
Must remember not to eat gnats for breakfast!
Oh girl, I have so been there with the bugs. I ran through a swarm tonight (on the busiest road on base, no less) & spent the rest of my run swarming them away. I’m sure all of the cars passing by got a kick out it.
There’s always time to pee.
Sorry…can’t type….still laughing…
You just gave me the best chuckle of the day.
Bugs have protein! I’m with you on the spiders though.
I hate SPIDERS and knats! I would be running away from either one.
oh, but this you don’t video.
Have you approached anyone at the networks/cable about a sitcom? I can definitely see it.
Spiders…ICK.
Can Cherry do the “Bend & Snap”? Nevermind that I know what that is…
I am LOL as I read this…all of it…I even know I’m commenting a day late…but I can’t help myself…
I would vomit on the gnats too! Oh dear!
That’s what happens when you go out while it’s still DARK!