I’m running close to 40 miles a week. I’m sprinting. I’m lifting weights. I’m riding . . . and yet I can’t get rid of that effing muffin top! If I had trained like I am now when I was in my 20s I would have been kicking some serious ass.
Now I just have ass.
Between running, leg torture, track torture, cycling and those awful swim workouts – I’ve been getting in nearly 14 hours a week of exercise – which means I’ve been washing my hair more than ever; sometimes even twice a day. (Go personal hygiene!) Mix in the Texas sun, heat, and salt from the pool water and I’ve got myself some seriously bad hair. Mostly frizziness, dryness and all around out-of-control this is not a good look for date-night hair.
But I’ve found a great shampoo and conditioner, Drench by Sebastian, and I love it. Its very light and moisturizing; a rare combination for shampoo and conditioner. It’s also a little pricey – $13.00, but for me, not having over-fluffy hair on date night is worth $13.00. The bad thing is the bottles are pretty small; my bottles only lasted a month.
Just doing my part to share the love, Internet people.
Sometimes I get so worried about over-sleeping when I need to wake up at 4AM that I can’t even sleep and wake up on the hour every hour until the alarm goes off. Last night was no exception, except that I agreed to sleep in the guest room as to not wake Michael and bed full of dogs at 4AM. Scratch that, I don’t mind waking up anyone, except Cherry Berry. Who is always awake. And happy. Cherry Berry is as happy as the happiest clam and loves everyone wildly all the time, 24 hours a day, without exception, even at 4AM. If Cherry were a person, she’d be Elle from Legally Blonde.
Crap, I do this all the time, where was I? Oh, so waking up every hour on the hour . . . when I woke up at 3AM I grabbed the alarm clock (also known as a magic iPhone) to make sure I hadn’t overslept, and I dropped it and somehow it ended up on vibrate, unbeknownst to sleepy me . . . and this was just a really long way to say, I over-slept and didn’t wake -up until 4:55.
I had plans to meet Massoman at 5:15. That gave me 5 minutes to get ready and 15 minutes to drive to meet him. I got there on time, but other than dress myself – I didn’t have time to do anything else, including pee. So the first thing I did when I got to our meeting spot was immediately find a place to pee. And when I got to the pee spot I walked into a huge spider web and started freaking out. If there is one ultimate truth in this universe, it is: if there are webs, there are spiders. And I live life by the philosophy that ALL SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS. As are all snakes. It’s a philosophy that’s never served me wrong. I am living proof.
Anyhow, it took nearly a mile and a half before I was sure that I was imaginary spider free. Finally, when I was closing in on Massoman, I opened my mouth to say “Here I am” and I inhaled a swarm of gnats. And if you think imaginary spiders freak me out, just wait until you see me with REAL LIFE bugs on my body. IN MY BODY. I started heaving. I tried to control it, but there was no stopping it. I started to vomit some lovely green, empty-stomach foamy stuff. Massoman heard gagging and chocking and turned around and asked if I was okay. Of course I was okay. This was just all part and parcel of living in Susan’s World O’ Mental Illness. No big deal.
And really, this is just a long excuse to say, I ran really slow -11:40-minute miles. And only five of those. Tomorrow is Track Torture #1. I hope it goes better than today did.
Why run a half marathon during the hottest part of the year in Texas? Let me replay the scenario for you.
Rich: Hey Susan, you want to run a half with me in a few weeks?
RS: In August, in Texas, are you crazy?
Rich: Please, please, please, I really need someone to pace me and it’ll be a lot of fun, I promise. I’m begging, pleeeaassse, for me.
RS: But Rich, Coach David has 23 miles on my schedule for that day and Coach David is very serious about my training.
Rich: But Susan, didn’t you know that running 13.1 miles at race pace is exactly like running 23 miles at training pace. It’s totally okay, David will be fine with it.
RS: Really? Okay then, if it will make David happy, count me in.*
When I left the house at 5:00 AM this morning it was 78 degrees with 81% humidity. I reckon when the rain left, it took away those blessed few days of cool mornings. I’m not sure what the temperature was at the start of the race but my feet were already soaked.
Through the first half of the race we kept a really steady pace. Rich announced at the halfway point we were at 1:02 – a 9:27 pace. Awesome, if I could keep this up I knew I could PR, or get really close.
Rich and I parted ways for a bit and then things kind of went like this – it got hotter, it got sunnier, I got sweatier, and I got slower. But I never stopped running – except for a few seconds here and there to sip water because I have yet to figure out that swallowing while running phenomenon that the rest of the world can manage. The important thing here to note is that I ran the whole time, NO WALK BREAKS. That’s a big deal for me.
Somewhere around mile 12.5 Rich and I found each other again. We hugged and shared a special moment before we finished the race together hand-in-hand. Okay, we technically weren’t hand-in-hand, but we did high five as we crossed the finish line in 2:15:58 – a 10:22 pace.
Reality strikes, it was slow. I so much wanted to run a 2-hour half, but I felt I ran really strong. It was fun too, despite the heat: 87 degrees and 57% humidity by the time we finished.
*Conversation may not be accurate to all parties due to recent heat exposure.
Has it been 4 or 5 weeks? I’ve lost count but it seems like forever. Well, at least forever without running. Or physical activity. Or shoes for that matter. I haven’t been able to wear shoes and I miss shoes – I’ve been living in flip-flops and as much as I love flip-flops, they can only take you so far. Stupid stress fracture.
Honestly, I’ve discovered I really don’t enjoy any other forms of exercise other than running and lifting weights. I started lifting weights last week and it’s been enjoyable; I have that nice, lingering soreness in my arms, legs and abs. I can’t believe I’ve missed that kind of pain.
I’ve kept busy by working in the yard, training Cherry, organizing the cupboard, teaching Rowdy to swim and cleaning the pool. We’ve never had a pool before and if you can get past all the maintenance and cleaning it requires, it’s so much fun. Rowdy doesn’t think so, though. If it’s not a soft blanket or a nice bottle of wine, Rowdy pretty much hates the world.
So there you have it, Stationary Susan’s boring life. Mock me, I give you permission.
Another doctor appointment, another dollar and more bad news. I have a stress fracture with strict instructions for no running and no weights for six weeks. I asked Dr. Joey what I could do and his response was “A whole lot of nothing!”
I’m going to try and make the best of things. I think I’ll take some time off, enjoy the weather, eat like a pig and keep working on that Do-It-Yourself Liposuction kit. And, in about six weeks when I’ve sucked the entire energy source out of my body, it should be time to start training for the Chicago Marathon.
I hope I don’t lose too much strength. Or get too fat.
