From the category archives:

The Dark Side

My second triathlon.

by Runner Susan on August 3, 2010

in Bike,Race Reports,Running,Swimming,The Dark Side,Tri

If you remember last year, my Martini Twin and I did our first tri together – it was great, except for the part where I didn’t know how to swim and freaked out.

Totally and completely freaked out.

Which, having never really swam before, was a completely understandable thing to do. But I was determined to finish – in all my years of running and racing, I’ve yet to DNF. I’ve walked, crawled and cried over a few finish lines, but I’ve always finished. That may not necessarily be a good thing, but as long as my legs are in tack, it’s a record I aim to keep.

I’d be damned if I was going to let a small thing like not know how to swim keep me from having fun at my next tri. So, in January of this year, in preparation for that next tri, I started taking swimming lessons, 3 times a week. And, Internet People, believe it or not I learned how to swim. Nothing record breaking, but I got to where I wasn’t constantly choking on water.  I actually got to a point where I even ENJOYED going to swim.  Take that evil water! It’s the small miracles in life that make my world go round.

So last Saturday, the Chef and I loaded up the bikes, all the gear and Cherry Berry and headed to Oklahoma for my second tri – the Lighthouse Sprint Tri. We drove for three hours with Cherry Berry loving us, without restraint, every mile of the way. The drive was just as annoying as the gif –>.

We arrived. We picked up packets. We planned. We modeled our cute new outfits. We had a fantastic dinner that night with the husbands – at a restaurant that apparently was run by some secret underground vampire clan. Really. Then we had more fun.

See. Girl fun. Boy fun. We do look good in vampire red!

Who do you want to party with? Horny red vampire girls or smiley cycling boys?

I rest my case.


We got up the next morning and headed to the start line. I felt great, having prepared for six months for the 500-yard swim so I felt pretty confident. In fact, oozing with confidence one might say.

Where’s Waldo?

But the strangest thing happened as I jumped in the water – I forgot how to swim – completely and totally. AGAIN. It was as if I had never touched water in my entire life.

I’m not exactly sure what happened, except I panicked. And I couldn’t breathe because there was all this water – and people touching me and splashing me. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 40 years, it is that breathing is better than not breathing and if you splash me I will hit you. So I pulled over to the side, hung onto the rope and let everyone pass me – I was the last person out of the water.  My time was actually almost a minute slower this year with six months of swimming lessons than it was last year when I didn’t know how to do more than dog paddle.

Dead last is humbling, to say the least.

I have no clue what happened. But, I blame gas. I blame everything on gas these days – and rightly so, I might add. Gas sucks.

Anyhoo, the bike went fine. I was slow and tired, but I made it fun.

The run went fine – except for the fact that at the last minute I decided to wear the concrete blocks I refer to as Nike Frees after training in the Vibrams for the last month. I can’t believe it, but I love the Vibrams – even if they are dorkier than dorky looking.

My personal advice to you: never wear these with a cocktail dress – stick with stilettos.

Whatever the case – Martini Tri Twins were the cutest on the course! Of course!

The husbands were the best photographers on the course and best of all was the Rombauer they had waiting for us at the finish line!

I had fun – so much fun – despite my intense fear of not breathing, and having all my hail damage enhanced with wet, shiny, skintight spanky pants.Will I do another tri? Probably. Will I freak out in the water?  Probably.

Whatcha gonna do? Have fun I reckon.

(Please note Chef’s triangle is hogging the photo.)

My friends are fun. I miss fun in my life.  Gas has taken away my fun, and I need some back. I need a little more of me back, for myself and my family.

Cherry Berry had fun too, but she wasn’t very Cherry on the ride home after spending time with her equally as spastic friend, Daisy.

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Tour of Paris

by Runner Susan on July 18, 2010

in Bike,Good Guys,Rally,The Dark Side

The Chef and I rode the Tour of Paris, TX yesterday and it was so stinking stupid hot. I rode the 37 miles and Chef rode the longer route, 60 something miles. It was really fun to get away for a day together – although the last ten miles I seriously thought the skin was melting off my bones. Someone there said the heat index was around 117 degrees – that is just ridiculous – and even more ridiculous that we voluntarily rode our bikes for 2.5 hours in the stupid hot. Like I need more reasons to move to Napa. Anyone want to buy some radioactive property in the middle of nowhere Texas?

It’s also ridiculous that gas drilling has permeated my mind so deeply that whenever I see smoke, or pollution or anything – the first thing I do is reach for my trusty iPhone and make a video.  I’m not sure what this place is or what it does, but it was along the tour route and it was smoking so I instinctively did what I do best – fight crime while riding a bike – the multi-tasking talent just never ends.

Paris Texas from Runner Susan on Vimeo.

This is my favorite picture – Watch for “fog” on road:

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I’m on my 6th lesson with the master’s group and I am yet to be a master swimmer. I’ve belched so much chlorine I should be a pro by now. I still very much like air and I very much hate water in my face. There isn’t much more to say other than I just don’t like swimming and I’m infatuated with air. And to make sure there is no confusion with the other swimmers on the matter:

bathsuit

And no, I’m not modeling the suit, but you get the idea! We can’t have anyone mistaking me for a swimmer just because I’m in the pool.  The hot pink flowers add an extra special touch, I think.

So let’s move on to the cycling. I’ve been involuntarily nominated team manager of Michael’s new cycling team, North Texas Road Team – which has involved setting up the non-for-profit stuff, getting sponsorships, creating the logo, ordering the stickers and designing the outfits. Needless to say it is way more than I bargained for, so I ordered an honorary outfit for myself  – and this I will model for you (because I’m way cuter than anyone else on the team):

jerseyNTRT

I will not, however, model the matching green spanky pants. My ass stretches the pants so much the color doesn’t even appear green anymore, just a pale minty. And the last thing I need is a minty-colored ass. I think someone warned me about the green, but I failed to listen. Maybe a summer tan and a little tinted lip-gloss will offset the minty color a bit?

Other than that, there has been some, but little, cycling for me. Runner Susan’s Cycling Motto: If it’s cold, windy, snowy, rainy or cloudy – don’t ride. I’m delicate that way and thus I become Stationary Susan.

So, let’s move on to Funner Susan. AKA: Social Susan. Let me set the stage: Last year Chef and I went to some friends for dinner and it just happened to be on the Winter Solstice. We had so much fun we decided to do it again this year, but host it at our house.  We’ll have RS’s Chef and our friend Nicole, who is also a REAL LIFE chef, doing most of the cooking.

It’s turned into a 10-course spanktacular extravaganza of food for four couples. I have been busily, busily, busily getting things ready – which involved a lot of me calling my mom and having her ship dishes and glasses. Believe it or not, not many of our dishes matched and for the 2nd Annual Winter Solstice Celebration, call me picky, but I wanted all things to be matchy matchy and special! Who knows, I might learn to cook some day?

The Menu for the evening:

Appetizers and Apéritif
Kir Royales with assorted Dolmas and Exotic Olives

Herb Marinated Lamb meatballs
Muga Reserva 2005 Tempranillo, Rioja, Spain

Butternut Squash Soup Shots with a Cassoulet Spoon
Gewurztraminer,  2007, Columbia Valley, Washington

Palate Cleanser: Carbonated Kiwi and Pineapple Sorbet

Arugula and Watercress Salad with Quail Egg and Porcini Fusion Salt
Shibumi Knoll, 2005, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley, California

Balsamic Roasted Pears

Creme Fresh and White Cheddar Mashed Potatoes

Spanish Matambre

Sweet Potato & Coconut Balls
Shibumi Knoll, 2005, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley, California

Molten Chocolate Cake with Mint Foam and Carbonated Raspberries
Graham’s 20 Year Old Tawny Port from Portugal

Dulce de Leche Flan
Inniskillin Vidal, 2006 Canadian Ice Wine

Followed by Irish Coffees and Candy Cane Smores around the Fire Pit

Take a look at this fancy pants setting (thanks to RS’s mother):

WSsetting

And that is not even everything. We’re missing the soup slider shot glass.  And steak knifes. And I still need to get place mats and I think I’m missing a baby spoon for the palate cleanser. I didn’t even know they had baby spoons for adults. I don’t even know where to get them, but I’m hoping that by the time we get to the palate cleanser everyone will be tipsy enough to just pick up there bowls and start eating like dogs – because at this point, I’m totally okay with eating like dogs. I like dogs.  I have three. But how in the hell is all that times eight going to fit on one table.

The grocery shopping begins Friday morning. More on the party after this weekend, I’ll have photos of each process. Hopefully. I’m starting to chunk out the holiday season so if I can’t fit into anything cute, then the camera gets put away.

Okay now, onto the spectacular part. After a year’s hiatus from marathon running, I have decided to run the Okalahoma City Memorial Marathon in April, with fellow Martini Twin, Michelle. Which means, I got lots of training to do. And do I ever mean lots. Any and all advice is appreciated. You know me. You know all about me. Give it to me rough. Tell me the error of my ways and make me a faster runner. Pretty please and thank you.

Oh boy, am I ever tired. These past few months have been exhausting, I’ve missed you guys. Keep watching Internet People, coming up soon I’m giving away some awesome Triathlon wine charms and Running wine charms to the person who suggests the best training plan.

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It’s not about being fast, just faster.

by Runner Susan on August 22, 2009

in Bike,The Dark Side

That’s what my friend Zoë always says. So meet my new friend – she may not be the fanciest or most expensive bike, but I rode her for 53 miles today and she fits so well.  I love her and I think she loves me back.

newfezzari

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Give me a marathon any day, I say. Hey, give me back-to-back marathons everyday for the rest of my life and then let me come home and clean dog poop off my sofa. Let me do all those things and then rip off my arms and beat me with them, because that would be better than any form of swimming. Any. And all. Amen.

So I did my first triathlon and I didn’t die and I didn’t drown. It certainly wasn’t pretty and I’ll let the pictures tell the story, but I will insert this bit: I used every single ounce of energy I had in the swim and I had nothing left to give the rest of the race. There were only two people in the pool after me when I finished and I was practically crawling from the pool to my bike. Totally. Exhausted. And when did swimming become a contact sport? Please, don’t touch my fat! One would assume that since I am built like a buoy that I’d have a natural advantage in the pool. So. Not. True.

I’m thinking my fish friend, Michelle, might force me to take a swim lesson or two before my next tri. Wait, did I just say next one? What I meant to say was my back-to-back thousands of marathons with my legs tied together through a desert full of snakes with no water stations. Actually, I think that place is in Australia somewhere for real.

Total Time: 1:40:31
500-yard Swim: 19:09 T1: 2:05 13-mile Bike: 44:53 T:2 1:47 5K Run: 32:34

Of course, we had a fabulous time and fabulous hospitality from our super cool friends, Michelle and Phillip, in Oklahoma, and that made the trip almost worth swimming for! That, and a little wine.

**EDIT: I totally forgot, due to the angst of the swim, to mention that Michelle totally ROCKED the course and got 7th in her age group! And the husbands followed us around the course the entire day on their bikes and took pictures and had chilled wine waiting for us at the end (which was nice of them, even if it wasn’t demanded)! It doesn’t get much better.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

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I’m almost certain I will forget something even though I have three bags of things needed for the sprint tri: wine, shoes and other stuff – so I should be all set – and yet there is just so much to take it’s bordering the ridiculous. A new bike would not be bordering ridiculous though, and yet I still don’t have one. No, no I don’t. If anyone out there wants to call or text the Chef and demand a new bike for Runner Susan, I’d find unmentionable and pleasurable ways to reward you.

Anyhow, I’m not freaking out about the totally not pleasurable swim since I really didn’t train AT ALL and since there is no air in the water I am totally prepared to come in last. And hopefully not last by remaining at the bottom of the pool for the rest of my life. I honestly wish Cherry Berry could do the swim for me because I’d totally win. She’s a pro-swimmer that girl.

Here I go. Reporting back on Monday! Hopefully.

swimbery1

swimbery2

(In case you are wondering, Donkey hates the water, hates to run and Michael won’t get him a trailer for the back of his bike)

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