If you remember last year, my Martini Twin and I did our first tri together – it was great, except for the part where I didn’t know how to swim and freaked out.

Totally and completely freaked out.

Which, having never really swam before, was a completely understandable thing to do. But I was determined to finish – in all my years of running and racing, I’ve yet to DNF. I’ve walked, crawled and cried over a few finish lines, but I’ve always finished. That may not necessarily be a good thing, but as long as my legs are in tack, it’s a record I aim to keep.

I’d be damned if I was going to let a small thing like not know how to swim keep me from having fun at my next tri. So, in January of this year, in preparation for that next tri, I started taking swimming lessons, 3 times a week. And, Internet People, believe it or not I learned how to swim. Nothing record breaking, but I got to where I wasn’t constantly choking on water.  I actually got to a point where I even ENJOYED going to swim.  Take that evil water! It’s the small miracles in life that make my world go round.

So last Saturday, the Chef and I loaded up the bikes, all the gear and Cherry Berry and headed to Oklahoma for my second tri – the Lighthouse Sprint Tri. We drove for three hours with Cherry Berry loving us, without restraint, every mile of the way. The drive was just as annoying as the gif –>.

We arrived. We picked up packets. We planned. We modeled our cute new outfits. We had a fantastic dinner that night with the husbands – at a restaurant that apparently was run by some secret underground vampire clan. Really. Then we had more fun.

See. Girl fun. Boy fun. We do look good in vampire red!

Who do you want to party with? Horny red vampire girls or smiley cycling boys?

I rest my case.

We got up the next morning and headed to the start line. I felt great, having prepared for six months for the 500-yard swim so I felt pretty confident. In fact, oozing with confidence one might say.

Where’s Waldo?

But the strangest thing happened as I jumped in the water – I forgot how to swim – completely and totally. AGAIN. It was as if I had never touched water in my entire life.

I’m not exactly sure what happened, except I panicked. And I couldn’t breathe because there was all this water – and people touching me and splashing me. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 40 years, it is that breathing is better than not breathing and if you splash me I will hit you. So I pulled over to the side, hung onto the rope and let everyone pass me – I was the last person out of the water.  My time was actually almost a minute slower this year with six months of swimming lessons than it was last year when I didn’t know how to do more than dog paddle.

Dead last is humbling, to say the least.

I have no clue what happened. But, I blame gas. I blame everything on gas these days – and rightly so, I might add. Gas sucks.

Anyhoo, the bike went fine. I was slow and tired, but I made it fun.

The run went fine – except for the fact that at the last minute I decided to wear the concrete blocks I refer to as Nike Frees after training in the Vibrams for the last month. I can’t believe it, but I love the Vibrams – even if they are dorkier than dorky looking.

My personal advice to you: never wear these with a cocktail dress – stick with stilettos.

Whatever the case – Martini Tri Twins were the cutest on the course! Of course!

The husbands were the best photographers on the course and best of all was the Rombauer they had waiting for us at the finish line!

I had fun – so much fun – despite my intense fear of not breathing, and having all my hail damage enhanced with wet, shiny, skintight spanky pants.Will I do another tri? Probably. Will I freak out in the water?  Probably.

Whatcha gonna do? Have fun I reckon.

(Please note Chef’s triangle is hogging the photo.)

My friends are fun. I miss fun in my life.  Gas has taken away my fun, and I need some back. I need a little more of me back, for myself and my family.

Cherry Berry had fun too, but she wasn’t very Cherry on the ride home after spending time with her equally as spastic friend, Daisy.

Meet my other new friend. I’m so excited to try her out! I got a great deal from psimet.com.

Give me a marathon any day, I say. Hey, give me back-to-back marathons everyday for the rest of my life and then let me come home and clean dog poop off my sofa. Let me do all those things and then rip off my arms and beat me with them, because that would be better than any form of swimming. Any. And all. Amen.

So I did my first triathlon and I didn’t die and I didn’t drown. It certainly wasn’t pretty and I’ll let the pictures tell the story, but I will insert this bit: I used every single ounce of energy I had in the swim and I had nothing left to give the rest of the race. There were only two people in the pool after me when I finished and I was practically crawling from the pool to my bike. Totally. Exhausted. And when did swimming become a contact sport? Please, don’t touch my fat! One would assume that since I am built like a buoy that I’d have a natural advantage in the pool. So. Not. True.

I’m thinking my fish friend, Michelle, might force me to take a swim lesson or two before my next tri. Wait, did I just say next one? What I meant to say was my back-to-back thousands of marathons with my legs tied together through a desert full of snakes with no water stations. Actually, I think that place is in Australia somewhere for real.

Total Time: 1:40:31
500-yard Swim: 19:09 T1: 2:05 13-mile Bike: 44:53 T:2 1:47 5K Run: 32:34

Of course, we had a fabulous time and fabulous hospitality from our super cool friends, Michelle and Phillip, in Oklahoma, and that made the trip almost worth swimming for! That, and a little wine.

**EDIT: I totally forgot, due to the angst of the swim, to mention that Michelle totally ROCKED the course and got 7th in her age group! And the husbands followed us around the course the entire day on their bikes and took pictures and had chilled wine waiting for us at the end (which was nice of them, even if it wasn’t demanded)! It doesn’t get much better.

I’m almost certain I will forget something even though I have three bags of things needed for the sprint tri: wine, shoes and other stuff – so I should be all set – and yet there is just so much to take it’s bordering the ridiculous. A new bike would not be bordering ridiculous though, and yet I still don’t have one. No, no I don’t. If anyone out there wants to call or text the Chef and demand a new bike for Runner Susan, I’d find unmentionable and pleasurable ways to reward you.

Anyhow, I’m not freaking out about the totally not pleasurable swim since I really didn’t train AT ALL and since there is no air in the water I am totally prepared to come in last. And hopefully not last by remaining at the bottom of the pool for the rest of my life. I honestly wish Cherry Berry could do the swim for me because I’d totally win. She’s a pro-swimmer that girl.

Here I go. Reporting back on Monday! Hopefully.

(In case you are wondering, Donkey hates the water, hates to run and Michael won’t get him a trailer for the back of his bike)

This weekend the Martini Twins did a mock tri. We’ve never done anything like this before and we had no clue what to expect. We survived and finished in 2:10 and that included our 30 minute swim. And that is when I decided that air is my best friend. Air is good. Air never fails me. And since there is no air under water, the concept of swimming is ridiculous. The exercise called sipping margaritas and floating aimlessly is the only appropriate water exercise.

Saturday we rode 20 miles and ran some and then on Sunday we swam 30 minutes, rode 13 miles and ran 3.2 miles and hung out with the neighborhood rooster for a while – it took us 2 hours and ten minutes. And if it wasn’t for the swimming, I might have some energy left today. Give me a half marathon any day, I say.

Anyhow, fun times, fun recovery and just plain fun hanging with friends!

Here’s some video and you’ll notice how far ahead we are of the pelopton, we’re fast like that. And training, recovery and party pictures for you to enjoy. I’ll post a protected update that does not include us dancing on the tables soon. Seriously, does not have any dancing pictures.

Anyhow, fun times, fun recovery and just plain fun hanging with friends! Pics and video to enjoy.

Tri Training from Runner Susan on Vimeo.